I had three doctor appointments yesterday! Whew! That was a looong day of talking about myself!
They all went really well though… I have not updated/posted lately regarding my recovery, which I think says something in its self! I love that it is not on my mind all.the.time. I most definitely have my bad days still, but those are becoming less frequent, and the good days are most definitely growing!
A few topics that kept coming up with my Therapist, my Doctor, and my Nutritionist, apply really well for running and my upcoming marathon as well:
- I am not and never will be the best at everything. This goes for school and career planning. Denver was great, but overwhelming. I came out thinking, How in the world will I ever be chosen for a job? Why would an employer ever want me? This goes into self-love… the expectations that I put on myself to be the best goes back beyond the eating disorder. It is an innate attitude and drive… if I can learn to “harness” this to use when appropriate, it can be a powerful tool. However, the moment I let it start negatively impacting me and putting me down and making me feel forever inferior, this is when it is unhealthy. I definitely find this true with the marathon. I have had people telling me what time I could get and what their expectations are and how fast I could potentially run this… and the pressure starts building. The feeling that I can’t let them down. Feelings that I will leave them disappointed if I do not reach their pace they have set for me in their minds… But I have to remember that one day of racing does not define me as a runner. All it does is tell me what my body was able to do on that particular day in those particular conditions.
- The second reoccurring theme, was to trust my body to tell me what it needs, and when it needs it. I still get “worried” that I get out of control with eating now that I have opened so many foods back into my life, and that I couldn’t ever restrict again like I did even if I wanted to. This makes me feel so out of control…. I liked knowing that at any time I had the mental power and strength to restrict and hold back and modify my eating habits and body when I wanted to. Well, thank goodness I realize just how awful this line of thought is and I really don’t want to ever be back at this point. But, again, it goes back to “I could if I wanted to” mindset, and yet the further I get into recovery, the less and less I think I could restrict again. And this makes me nervous…. My three person team is great at hearing these concerns and not “judging” me or freaking out (I am sure I am not the first person to voice these!)…but this led to the discussion of trusting what my body is telling me. Intuitive eating…
It was a great day of “mental-checkups” before the marathon in 2 days!! Whoohoo! I have lots to do before my parents pick me up at 1pm today to head to Richmond! Hope I get it all done!!
On an unrelated note… My mom went “Line Dancing” evidently last night with a bunch of her friends… why is she so cool?!?
And some fall pics for ya!
Look how great the weather was in all my favorite places?!? So awesome 🙂
And my dinner on my lap while driving home last night! Earth Fare Salomon, rice, and veggies! So.Freaking.Good.
Love you all! Long May You Run….
Are you an intuitive eater?