Getting the Mental Preparation

I had three doctor appointments yesterday! Whew! That was a looong day of talking about myself!

They all went really well though… I have not updated/posted lately regarding my recovery, which I think says something in its self! I love that it is not on my mind all.the.time. I most definitely have my bad days still, but those are becoming less frequent, and the good days are most definitely growing!

A few topics that kept coming up with my Therapist, my Doctor, and my Nutritionist, apply really well for running and my upcoming marathon as well:

  • I am not and never will be the best at everything. This goes for school and career planning. Denver was great, but overwhelming. I came out thinking, How in the world will I ever be chosen for a job? Why would an employer ever want me? This goes into self-love… the expectations that I put on myself to be the best goes back beyond the eating disorder. It is an innate attitude and drive… if I can learn to “harness” this to use when appropriate, it can be a powerful tool. However, the moment I let it start negatively impacting me and putting me down and making me feel forever inferior, this is when it is unhealthy.ย I definitely find this true with the marathon. I have had people telling me what time I could get and what their expectations are and how fast I could potentially run this… and the pressure starts building. The feeling that I can’t let them down. Feelings that I will leave them disappointed if I do not reach their pace they have set for me in their minds… But I have to remember that one day of racing does not define me as a runner. All it does is tell me what my body was able to do on that particular day in those particular conditions.
  • The second reoccurring theme, was to trust my body to tell me what it needs, and when it needs it. I still get “worried” that I get out of control with eating now that I have opened so many foods back into my life, and that I couldn’t ever restrict again like I did even if I wanted to. This makes me feel so out of control…. I liked knowing that at any time I had the mental power and strength to restrict and hold back and modify my eating habits and body when I wanted to. Well, thank goodness I realize just how awful this line of thought is and I really don’t want to ever be back at this point. But, again, it goes back to “I could if I wanted to” mindset, and yet the further I get into recovery, the less and less I think I could restrict again.ย And this makes me nervous…. My three person team is great at hearing these concerns and not “judging” me or freaking out (I am sure I am not the first person to voice these!)…but this led to the discussion of trusting what my body is telling me. Intuitive eating…

It was a great day of “mental-checkups” before the marathon in 2 days!! Whoohoo! I have lots to do before my parents pick me up at 1pm today to head to Richmond! Hope I get it all done!!

On an unrelated note… My mom went “Line Dancing” evidently last night with a bunch of her friends… why is she so cool?!?

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And some fall pics for ya!

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Look how great the weather was in all my favorite places?!? So awesome ๐Ÿ™‚

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And my dinner on my lap while driving home last night! Earth Fare Salomon, rice, and veggies! So.Freaking.Good.

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Love you all! Long May You Run….

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Weekend plans?

Are you an intuitive eater?

 

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11 comments

  1. I don’t know if this will help you , but this was my mantra during the marathon….”Run your own race, not their race.” It reminded me that I needed to run based on how my body felt and I had to ignore the people ahead of me and those passing me.

    I increased my pace at the half because that is how long it takes me to warm up and get into a good groove. Then, I started “running” with a 10k left and kicking with a 5k left. It was an all out sprint the last mile or so. This was my plan all along and I followed it as best I could. Well, aside from getting caught up with the frenzy of the marathon the first mile or so.

    All the while I was thinking “Run your own race.” It really helped. I have a tendency to be really competitive, but I am by no means an elite marathoner, so obviously people were going to be ahead of me and pass me.

    You need to remember that this is YOUR marathon and, regardless of your time, everyone will be proud of you. Although I think you will do amazing, this is why I never indicated I thought you could run it in a specific time. I know how it is to have the pressure of that expectation.

    You’re going to be awesome!

  2. pickyrunner · · Reply

    Reblogged this on pickyrunner.

  3. pickyrunner · · Reply

    I’m so happy to hear things are going well! It’s SO hard not to let those time expectations crack you. They are 100% the reason I cracked with swimming. I couldn’t handle the pressure that I was internalizing. Do your absolute best to shut out those thoughts because you will roc your marathon no matter what. Just finishing it is awesome, and if you run an amazing time, that’s even better. (This is how I have to look at racing now but maybe it doesn’t work that way for everyone). Secondly, the food. Yes, I still struggle with this thought. It’s like suddenly I’m terrified my self-control has gone out the window. But reminding ourselves that it’s a good thing is important on staying on track. These are all great things and I’m so excited for you!

  4. Love this post!! So happy to hear that the past becoming more and more the past, and harder to go back to, this is a great sign. I remember when I finally realized I didn’t want to go back to the past, I wanted to get better. It was a great day, and I haven’t looked back.
    I eat paleo for the most part, because I have so many food allergies, and my stomach gets upset with a lot of processed foods, but I am as well an intuitive eater. If I’m craving carbs (like a granola bar or something), there is obviously a reason. Not paleo, but I’ll eat it, my body is wanting it for some reason. If I’m craving sugar, I go for fruit, my body responds best to it versus what I’m usually craving, a slurpee. It’s all about listening to what it wants for recover ๐Ÿ™‚

  5. Glad your sessions went well and it also looks like you might have good temps for your race! I’m trying to listen to my body too. Especially during my training as the miles add up – the other day I was craving mashed potatoes with eggs on top for some reason, so that’s what I made!

  6. Great post. And great advice all around. I can’t imagine having other people’s expectations bearing down on me for a race. I am the other way around. All the big expectations and pressure I created myself and my family/bf/everyone are having to remind me not to be so hardcore. Safe travels to Richmond. Maybe I’ll see you there!! ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. I am actually pretty impressed that you managed to eat something with a fork while driving! haha. Loving the weather in Denver right now!

  8. I totally get the pressure before going into a race, and I’m not even “fast!”

    So here has been my mindset, and maybe you will like it, too!

    I’m pretty much viewing the Richmond Marathon as the ultimate tour of a very cool city, with my favorite kind of people. There will be food and music, and it’ll be just like a giant running party! Whatever happens, happens. Time and performance aside, the definition of the race itself is how much fun/how hard you pushed yourself, and less about the numbers on the screen at the end!!!

  9. New reader here, but I am glad that your appointments went well. Being able to talk to someone really openly (I.E.therapist) who you feel comfortable with is a great thing (My therapist is awesome). I hope you have a great weekend, and have a great marathon! Good luck, kick butt, and run your own race one mile at a time.

  10. I need that mug!!

    I’m so glad things are going well food-wise! After I “recovered” (I put it in quotes because recovery never ends) from my ED, I did become an intuitive eater. I have a sweet tooth that often gets the best of me, but I’m at my best when I let myself splurge and follow my appetite and cravings! We have them for a reason ๐Ÿ™‚

  11. GOOD LUCK on your race!!! Can’t wait to hear about how it goes! I think you’re amazing and so strong.

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