A “practice test” weekend-I Passed!

I was home by myself from Friday to Sunday.Β  My parents and sister were out of town for a wedding…. I was not invited!!! Bummer, because I am a good time at weddings πŸ™‚

How cute is my family though?!?

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Mom, Dad, my sister Gretchen at the wedding!! So pretty!! Love them!

Now obviously this is no big deal for a 23 year old to stay by herself. And normally, it isn’t. But things are different now. In the past, I was still under the spell of my disordered eating, absolutely positive that I was doing everything good and right for my body. I would load up on veggies and fruits only… workout out endlessly… and be upset for myself if (when) I would inevitably binge on a bag of pretzels or pistachios.

But now…. now I am fighting back. I am battling the negative voice in my head that tells me to freakout if I have a carb or immediately go for a run if I just had a meal. I am saying no to that voice.

This weekend by myself was the first time I have been without my parents support and/or at camp where everything was per-determined for me.

I was in charge of my own meals without a a soul looking over my shoulder, making sure it was balanced, keeping me accountable to eat at a normal hour… I fell trap to all of these things last year while living by myself at school. I knew I would have to face all of these issues again come fall when I go back. Well, this weekend acted as a “practice-round” of sorts. I would say I passed with a C+.

Friday:

I was in an awful awful horrible mood and was mean to everyone around me. I don’t want to go into any more depth than that, mainly because it scares me because I don’t know what was going on… I immediately felt better after a 8.75 mile run.

Saturday:

Decent breakfast, good weight lifting session.

Poor Lunch (i.e nonexistent)

Good-ish afternoon run (proud of myself for eating a kids clif bar after the run.. which I usually never fuel myself after workouts)

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Reconfirming what I have known for a while now… that Clif Bar is the best. ALL of their products rock.

Poor Dinner (5pm, so hungry by 9 but refused to eat that “late”)

Poor nights sleep (probably due to be hungry)

Sunday:

Up and breakfast at 4am (bc hungry from last nights poor dinner)

Nap 5:30am-7am

MADE THESE!!!! YUMMY!! Chocolate Dipped Peanut Butter Pretzel Sandwiches from Sally’s Baking Addiction

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Sweet, Salty, Crunchy, Peanut-Buttery, and Delicious!!

Great weight lifting at 12pm

Poor lunch (only protein shake after workout, fruit, veggies. Not substantial)

Great get together with friends at an engagement celebration!!

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My roommate from my Freshman year of college whom I LOVE and have not seen in forever!!!

GREAT dinner (family home! Whole wheat pasta, lean ground turkey meat sauce, cauliflower, and dessert of vanilla yogurt with banana/berries)

******

I definitely could have done worse, and only a few months ago I would have done worse! So that is a very positive thing! However, there is improvement to be had in those meals by myself. I need to make sure I take the time to COOK a normal, balanced meal. I also need to make sure that if I do eat early (like on Saturday night) I eat a snack before bed if I need it! Don’t be afraid of that!!

All in all… I would say I definitely Passed though! Yay!

Have a good week everyone πŸ™‚

Do you guys find you eat “better” or “healthier” by yourself or with other people?

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18 comments

  1. The fact that you can see your improvement is just wonderful. I’m praying and wishing you more happiness & achievement as the days/months/years come ❀ ❀

    1. Thank you so much!! And I wish YOU all the best and happiness as you take a completely deserved break and concentrate on YOU!!
      Thanks for you support… seriously it has been such an anchor for me to hear/read your comments and advice! thank you for all of your help!
      Have a great week πŸ™‚

  2. pickyrunner · · Reply

    Regardless of what your “grade” was, I’d say it was still a big weekend for you! And guess what? Each time is going to get easier and pretty soon it will feel normal. The fact that you’re able to admit you could have done a little more is huge, girl! I’m cheering you on from here πŸ™‚

    1. Thanks Sarah!!! Yes it was hard… but even that I KNEW it would be hard and what to “not-do” was a big step– something that a few months ago I would not have even noticed! Thanks for the cheering!!! yayyy!!!
      And so glad you had SUCH a fabulous weekend!!!!!

  3. Of course ” there is improvement to be had.” Each of us is a work in progress until our final breath. As we continue our journey through life there is always something to improve…be it our health… intellect…relationships…running…etc. It’s obvious to me that you are a strong, intelligent woman on the right path. Continued success, Andrea

    1. Thank you so much!! Yes, the fact that I could even SEE that there was improvement to be had was improvement in and of its self!
      Thanks for the encouragement and the kind, kind words πŸ™‚
      Have a great day!

  4. congrats on making positive strides πŸ™‚ always awesome to grow by facing a tough situation

    1. Thank you so much! Still good days and bad days, but I can recognize them now for what they are and look at the “why’s” and how to take them in stride!
      Thank you for the encouragement!

  5. Way to go! I can relate, it’s so hard sometimes to be alone around food and make the decisions for yourself. Even when it’s just me and my husband, I feel so much better and make so much better choices. It DOES get better, and somewhat easier – so keep it up! And you aren’t alone – you have us to help you through the process and keep you accountable.

    1. Thank you so much for those kind words and for sharing your experience as well! That is great you have a husband who you can turn to and be your positive influence! While I don’t have that (yet!) you are right… I have made wonderful connections via the blogging world and everyone has been nothing but supportive! You guys have the best advice and have literally helped keep me accountable!
      Thank you so much and have a great day!!

  6. yogachic1212 · · Reply

    This is AWESOME!! Seriously I’m so proud! You’re holding yourself accountable and you’re relishing in the moments of positivity rather than wallowing in the moments of discomfort (which is something I definitely had to learn not to do). Seriously, well done. You deserve happiness πŸ™‚ Of course no one’s perfect, so if there’s a minor setback, don’t be upset with yourself! You’re so strong, Andrea, really an inspiration! πŸ™‚

    1. Thanks so much!! Yes I saw some improvements this weekend even though it didn’t go “wonderfully”… but I was able to realize certain things about myself and recognize the good/bad in my activities and thoughts. So yes.. progress! My therapists was really happy today when I shared the weekend with her πŸ™‚

      I hope you had a great time this weekend!!!

  7. It may not be quite where you want it to be, but if you saw improvement that is awesome!! Nice job…keep moving forward!! You should be really proud of yourself πŸ™‚

    1. Thank you so much! Yes I was a little proud… then I talked to my therapist today and she made me feel more proud haha so that was nice πŸ™‚ I just know that a few months ago, I NEVER would have even recognized or dared to acknowledge that I was letting Ed’s thoughts control me or that i even knew Ed was speaking (not Andrea!) Did that make sense?? haha Thanks for your kind words πŸ™‚

  8. I love that you can see your improvement!! Thats such a huge step πŸ™‚

    1. Thanks so much Brooke! A little bit at a time!! πŸ™‚ hope you had a great weekend!

  9. Small steps and progress is a big deal! Good job keeping yourself accountable this weekend…even when you knew you weren’t making good choices, you were aware of it. That’s seriously so important to recovery.

    1. Yes thank you so much! I feel that only a short time ago I wasn’t aware (or too stubborn) to notice that I wasn’t treating myself properly! Baby steps!! πŸ™‚
      Thanks so much!!

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