Since coming home from school for the summer over 2 weeks ago, I lost my amazing, HUGE gym with every exercise equipment a girl could dream of. My normal routine of strength training ever morning at 6am just stopped completely. Well, I am happy to announce I am once again a gym member! Carmel Total Fitness is about 2 miles from my house, and since my mom is a member, I get to “tag-on” for the summer for only 25$/mo. This includes ALL their fitness classes– yoga, pilates, strength training, spinning, boot camp, fusion, kickboxing, etc. So pumped!
So Sunday I decided to get my Lift on. It had a been a while and it felt great to be doing power cleans, front squats, bench press, push-press and split jerk again. I even got my new split jerk mas at 90#! I was pleased 🙂
Well, to say that I could barely raise my arms up yesterday (and it is even worse this morning) would be an understatement. Every single movement hurts! Of course it is that amazing hurt that athletes live for… muscles aching and yelling at you while you have this happy grin on your face because you know it is really just a cry of strength. They are repairing themselves and getting stronger with every passing day. What a great feeling. The human body is amazing.
So many of you know about my struggle with food for the past few years. Fast recap (and I mean FAST)– I lost a lot of weight my junior year of undergrad while I was abroad in New Zealand. I re-discovered my love for running and basically became a workout-aholic and had a list the size of Texas of foods that I no longer ate because they were “bad” for me. I deprived myself of basically anything/everything and kept losing. Only recently have I really started to vocalize that I have a problem and introduce food back into my life. Every day is a struggle and I feel like I am being watched all the time… but I can also say the improvement in my attitude toward food has improved tremendously! I am enjoying life again…
I mentioned that I had stopped weighing myself. I was living and breathing by that hateful little scale number. i would weight myself 2-3 times a day. I stopped for about 2 months, around the time that I made the decisions that to be healthy in the long run (aka kids) I needed to get my period back. This needed to be from weight gain. Well, I resisted the urge to weight myself, but I have fallen back into it. My last day at Indiana University I, jumped on the scale. Then I came home and thought, “Well, I already broke my no-weighing pledge, might as well weigh myself again”. So I did. Then at Red Mountain Resort in Utah, I weighed myself all the time. Now at home, the scale hiding under my bed is being pulled out more and more often. I am so frustrated at myself and feel like a failure. I am disappointed in myself… and that is the worst feeling.
The number is rising. It is hard to see. But that was the goal… right?!?! Why can’t I understand this?!?
I also find that because I am “letting” myself eat foods that for over 2 years I had denied myself, I am in a new phase which Sarah at Picky Runner so accurately described in her post today— you eat everything you once didn’t, and you eat until it is gone or you are too sick to move. There is NO CONTROL. This phase scares me so much right now…
I can say the number one help is the encouragement and the advice from others in the blogging world who have unfortunately are/have gone through similar trials. Just a few months ago before starting this blog I felt all alone in this fight… scared to say anything out loud… and now I have discovered other who have conquered the power that food has had over them. I am full of hope 🙂
What is on the agenda today? Any workouts?
When was the last time you were WONDERFULlY SORE from a workout?
Summer races? Who’s got a good one for me to do in the Midwest?